Jedi Survivor: All Beards RANKED!
Beards. The most heroic thing in the galaxy. A fine man like Cal Kestis needs some fine fleece on his face... the beard customization is such a great part of this game. Sure, it isn't that groundbreaking, but finding beards in chests is something I feel like the world didn't ask for but kind of needed. Because why the heck not. Now without further ado, RPG Ranked presents... Jedi Survivor: All Beards RANKED!
12. Soul Patch
As a ginger myself, I'm fully aware that Cal Kestis has absolutely no soul. Therefore, this soul patch has no soul to it. And without the soul, this patch is an absolute abomination and is a menace to keeping peace and order to the galaxy. A phantom menace, one might say. The force is not strong with this hideous look.
Being possibly the hardest beard to acquire, this is incredibly disappointing. This hairstyle looks like the oh-so memeable and memorable Ed Sheeran cat just died on this Jedi's bodacious chin. It's utterly repulsive, and dispels all the possible rizz Cal could of had. Except with Merrin, because she just loves him no matter what because, you know, that's what happens when you are in love.
10. Short Goatee
This just looks like an unfinished shaving job, and like a weird half0finished Rebel Alliance logo was glued onto his intriguing chin. It's a vibe... but not a good vibe.
9. Extended Mustache
One one hand, this is disgusting. On the other hand, it's glorious. There needs to be a balance of the light and dark sides of the stache, but sadly, this mustache is quite unbalanced and falls by the wayside. This look makes me want to bleed my kyber crystal because I feel hate and suffering toward this hairy mess.
8. Goatee and Mustache
This is just the most mid and forgettable facial hair in the galaxy far, far away. It's not offensive, it's just not good. This is like the Taco Bell of Star Wars: good trash, not bad trash. Nevertheless, this look just barely escapes the saarlac pit.
7. Light Stache and Soul Patch
Like the Light Stache, but with a soul. But I'm not sure if Cal is allowed to have a soul, and this is just not it. So I could not put this higher on the list.
6. Light Stache
Ah. This is more like it... a soulless (and almost hairless) stache. The pre-puberto stache of the year, this stache has its own distinct and delectable sheen. It's too bad it isn't higher, but some staches on this list are just so much hotter. Hotter than your girlfriend's sister.
5. Stache and Patch
This is like the much more distinguished and less idiotic version of middle school's Smash or Pass. It's stache or pass. This stache would win the best stache in the mind's of those questionable at best teenage boys. However, like middle school boys, this stache could still use a whole lot of work.
4. Full Beard
This look makes Cal Kestis become the most smokin' hot, big ginga man around. With this barbaric look, Cal be rizzing up the whole Star Wars fanbase. While this scraggly face mass is quite a beautiful sight, it might be a bit exessive for those who can't manage the the blazing hotness that this beard gives off. This beard be 451 degress Fahrenheit, I'm not capping. Let's talk about some of the less dangerous beard-cuts that won't get people swooning over my fellow ginger.
Of all the beard styles, this might be objectively the most fashionable from what I've seen and heard. This look lets Cal rock the innocent family man vibe, and of all the facial hair in the game, I think this would be the most acceptable look for Merrin. Even Mario himself would be proud of cette beau mustache. Trés bien, mon ami, Cal Kestis, trés bien. You know, got to use my three years of high school French for something, am I right?
2. Short Beard
My personal favorite look of Cal's in terms of pure style, this just is the exact vibe I see Cal having. This man doesn't have time to be worrying about shaving on a daily basis, but he also has to keep up a look for Merrin, you know? This look fits Cal the best of any of the looks in my opinion, even though I think the mustache is the most handsome and the next one on this list is my personal favorite to equip. This short beard just is the epitome of Cal style in my opinion, so it falls on the runner up of this list.
1. Full Goatee and Mustache
This look is the true definition of so bad that it is good. Whereas like the soul patch is just hideous, I love this look so much. It's hysterical how bad it looks, but you know, sometimes you just need to have fun and meme around. When Cal kissed Merrin and she basically was snorting his facial hair and it was like in her mouth because of how glitchy the game can be, I burst out laughing. This was pure comedy gold. Like, the full beard actually looks fine, but this is just the most hideous thing known to man. Overall, the full goatee and beard look was the only look that truly brought me joy, and for that, this beard style was the peak style in Jedi Survivor.